I'm not one to watch the Grammy’s. It has become more of a popularity contest rather than an awards ceremony that honors those who have significantly made great strides in the music industry, not to mention that the majority of the artists I listen to are never nominated. Things changed this year, however, when I heard that Radiohead would be performing at the award ceremony. I was surprised because they are my favorite band ever and confused because in past years, Radiohead have been open about their dislike of the show. Nevertheless, I sat down with my big Radiohead foam finger on Sunday night at 8pm to watch.
Now, the word on the Internets was that Radiohead would be opening the show. However, when U2 took the stage I figured I would have to wait a while to see my heroes perform. U2 performed Get on Your Boots which sounded like a pop-punk version of Subterranean Homesick Blues- a lot about humanitarianism, stop the war stuff. You know- Bono-mics. What was most shocking was when Bono removed his sunglasses and exposed his dirty little secret to the world… he wears eyeliner!
The first award of the night was presented by a less cracked out but equally as entertaining Whitney Houston. Before she awarded Jennifer Hudson with R&B Album of the Year she made sure to blow kisses to Clive Davis. As The Rock… I mean Dwayne Johnson walked onto the stage I knew this had to be it! However, to my dismay he was only introducing Justin Timberlake so he could botch a joke about a general store to introduce a performance of himself, Al Green and Keith Urban. As Al and J.T. falsetto-ed over Keith Urban’s guitar solo I thought “How long am I going to have to sit through this to see Radiohead?” But as Simon Baker walked onto the stage I knew that a group of performing Brits were about to be announced; and I was right. Sadly though, it was only Coldplay. Chris Martin performed Lost? Or Lost! (?!) alongside Jay-Z. Martin soon joined his other quasi baroque-rock adorned band mates for a rendition of Viva la Vida. As Carrie Underwood sang I Don’t Even Know His Last Name, I couldn’t help but think that I had become so detached with popular music that I practically didn’t know anybody’s name at the award show. After Coldplay accepted their award for Song of the Year, they rightfully apologized to Paul McCartney for recycling the Sgt. Peppers outfits though they did not apologize to Radiohead for recycling The Bends for the first part of their career. Speaking of recycling, Kid Rock performed his trailer-rock version of Werewolves in London. Though I did not hear any howling of wolves, I think I did hear Warren Zevon rolling in his grave.
As I started to anxiously pace in anticipation and confusion of Radiohead’s upcoming performance in my room, I was eased by the announcement that coming up would, in fact, be Radiohead. I could breathe easy for a while. Now, I am not the biggest fan of Taylor Swift but I, surprisingly, enjoyed listening to her sing. Miley Cyrus, on the other hand, left something to be desired. When approached with the opportunity to perform with Cyrus, Taylor Swift, taking her own advice, should’ve said no. Coldplay won best rock album. Surprise -(yawn). But more important than that was the presenters of the award- a reunited Blink 182 who announced their reunion would go past just tonight and they would, in fact, be “getting-back-together” as they say in the music biz, to make music. Katy Perry informed us, for the one-millionth time, that she kissed a girl and that she liked it. Though she subliminally reminded us that she still liked boys by making her entrance on a 30-foot banana that would certainly make the Chiquita Banana lady happy. Another Kanye West sighting as he performed American Boy looking like Lionel Richie alongside Estelle. Any ceremony wouldn’t be complete without Kanye West complaining about something as he whined that he never won Best New Artist. I began praying to God to just bring out Radiohead! I thought my prayers were answered when I heard his voice. Well, not God's voice, but Morgan Freeman’s. I knew only Morgan Freeman could be worthy enough to present Radiohead. Turns out he was only worthy enough to introduce Kenny Chesney. Bathroom break!
When I returned I found Queen Latifah introducing a pregnant M.I.A. singing few lines from Paper Planes, or was it a sample from Swagga Like Us? Finally, something worth watching. Though I am not the biggest hip-hop fan I enjoyed the “Rap-Pack” of Jay-Z, T.I., Kanye West and Lil Wayne.
As the performance ended I found myself growing weak. As the minutes passed I could no longer stand it. I was going crazy. Was Radiohead ever going to play or did they remember that they hated the Grammy’s and decide to leave. I was about to shut off the T.V. when I saw Gwyneth Paltrow walk out on stage. She was announcing a performer. I wasn’t really listening to her but all of a sudden I caught a few words that sounded like lyrics from 15 Step, the song that Radiohead was rumored to be performing with the USC marching band. Could it be? The moment I had been waiting for? IT WAS!!!!! As the wall came down and Thom Yorke began to sing my wait was over. Now, it wasn’t the whole band but Thom Yorke and Johnny Greenwood would certainly make do. I can not really remember much of the performance because of the trance-like state I was in, but what I do remember was, dare I say, utterly brilliant!
As the song wrapped up I felt relief throughout my whole body. The wait was over and it was worth it. The rest of the night was filled with once in a lifetime performances. Paul McCartney and Dave Grohl performing I Saw Her Standing There. John Mayer, B.B. King, Keith Urban and Buddy Guy paid tribute to Bo-Diddly. But the most shocking of all was Neil Diamond performing a rare Grammy version of Sweet Caroline! I was fortunate enough to catch Robert Plant and Allison Kraus perform a few songs of their album despite my current dazed condition. As I was coming down from my high, the older and blonder Green Day walked to the podium to present Album of the Year. As the nominees were read and they slowly opened the envelope I just kept repeating one thing… “Not Coldplay. Not Coldplay. NOT COLDPLAY!!!!” As Robert Plant and Allison Krauss were awarded their rightfully deserved Grammy I breathed a sigh of relief; for not only did Coldplay not win but also the three and a half hour ceremony was over.
As Stevie closed the show I… wondered. Why is it that I, as other lovers of music, have come to find the Grammy’s as the epitome of all that is wrong with music? Why can we not just accept the fact that maybe its just the way is and we are going to have to get used to it. But I learned something from watching the Grammy’s: it isn’t the Recording Academy that has ruined music. It is not their fault that good artists do not get recognized. They are not to blame for the devolution of music. The Jonas Brothers are.
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